How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize