I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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