feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
