If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
