wakey wakey hands off snakey
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize