At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
