Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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