i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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