I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
