This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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