Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
