it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
