So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
