If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
