it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
