We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
