This girl is more easily done than said...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
