i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
