Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
