Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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