break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jerry, you need to find god
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
