Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
