when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
