Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
