when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
