I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
where does the pee come out of this thing
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
