when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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