i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
