I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
