i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
