This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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