You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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