Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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