I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
