oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
