Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
