I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
