I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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