Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
