this beer tastes like vomit already
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
