Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
