Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize