i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
