If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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