She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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