how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
