she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
