at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
