so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
