if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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