I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The feeling are messing with the penis
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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