i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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