At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
