I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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