You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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