I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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