honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
