ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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