We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
