someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
