so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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