well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
