is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
