i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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