When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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