In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
