My friends, they love my intelligence
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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