I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
