I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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