You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
