Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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