I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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