you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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