Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
