I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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