I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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