It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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