we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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