Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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