you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
