am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
