singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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