Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
