Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
