i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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