Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
