8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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