im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
